Three months ago, I had a portfolio review with one of our clients. During our discussion, I asked how his family was doing. His facial expression changed as he started relating to me that his wife, Sharon, and he were doing well except for the interaction they were having with their 17 year old daughter. He proceeded to tell me that their daughter was rebelling. She was dating a boy that they did not approve of and they had tried to discuss this topic with their daughter. As he began to show signs of tears, he lowered his head and said, “Greg, I’m really worried about her.”
As we sat in silence, I couldn’t help but wonder if his daughter didn’t need a goal in her life. With that I asked, “Dennis, have you ever thought about sitting down with your daughter Julie, and showing her how much money you have set aside in her custodial account and her 529 college account?” Dennis looked at me perplexed, “Are you kidding? She would probably try to pull it out immediately to run off with this boy we cannot stand.” I responded, “Just try it. Let Julie know that her mother and father have a vision that could turn into a great life for her if she listens and learns. Why not ask her what her dreams are? How about asking if she likes helping other people? Take her to work as a volunteer in an organization that helps women or children in low income areas.” As I threw out ideas, I could see Dennis thinking about the effect it could have on his daughter. Dennis replied, “Well, it can’t hurt. We’ve tried everything else.”
Six weeks later, Dennis called me to thank me. He said his daughter’s eyes lit up when he and her mother asked her to help them with a project to help others. Together they started looking for a charity that they could volunteer at as a family. Within two weeks their daughter, Julie had dropped her boyfriend claiming that he was a loser who didn’t care about her or helping others. Dennis also put Julie in charge of the family’s charity account that kept the money they used to help others. Once she took that over, Dennis and Sharon sat down with her and showed Julie her college funds. They had discussions about her vision for her life. Dennis said that as Sharon and him sat there listening to Julie’s dreams, they were so proud. Julie said, “Mom and Dad, these past weeks with you have been some of the best of my life because I got to give to others in so many ways. My eyes have been open to how lucky I am and how I have so much to offer... to reach for in life.”
Dennis ended the phone conversation by saying, “You know, Greg, I’ve spent so much time trying to achieve my goals that I forgot to listen seriously to my daughter’s goals. I truly care for my family, but it is far more powerful to care as a family... for each other and those you can help. Have a great Thanksgiving. Talk to you later.”
As I hung up the phone, I had a moment of thankfulness for life, wondering if all our daughters and sons need bigger goals in life. I also realized that the Legacy Room in our, “Your Financial House” process needed to be discussed even more with the children and grandchildren of our clients. If your children and grandchildren see the world in a bigger picture that is surrounded by your values, it is amazing what incredible ideas and actions they will move forward on to achieve those goals. Let me know what you think.
